The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

My kids are all bruised and scraped up. I blame myself or rather my part in their genetics. I am not graceful. Far from it. At any given time, I have UMB's all over. UMB - Unidentified Mommy Bruise. I have no idea how I get them. They just show up. It's like the great mystery of the missing socks. Likely it will never be solved.

As I am writing this blog, I am chicken pecking with only 9 fingers. This Wednesday I was cutting onions for our Boca Burgers. Yes, we eat Boca Burgers and I love them. While chopping, I feel a sharp pang. Hmmm. Yeah, the tip of my pointer finger on my left hand is gone. Fantastic. I toss the onion. I do damage control. Is finger nail still there? Yes. Did I hit an artery? No. Is it bleeding badly? Yes, very badly. I wrap up my gimp finger and wait for Jason to come home from work. He finishes dinner for me and takes a look at my poor pointer. "Yeah, you have got to go in. Tonight." This is the man that will only go to the dr. if he is holding his eyeball. Sinus infection? Rub some dirt on it. Fever? Rub some dirt on it. He's tough. So when he says that I need to go in, I take his advice. I head on over to the after hours care. The nurse takes the wrap off my finger and immediately scrambles out of the room to fetch the doctor. The doctor comes in and asks for a tourniquet to slow the bleeding. The nurse scrambles for anything and only comes up with a rubber band. Ghetto tourniquet, but it will do the job in a pinch. I am patiently sitting there, not freaking out, not even wincing at the pain. Yet. Ok, after much discussion the doctor decides to cauterize the vessels to stop the bleeding. Fun. Cauterize, as in burn? Yes. Oh Good Times. At this point, I am rethinking that I *should* have had that margarita with dinner. He opts for the digi-block which numbs the whole finger rather than just the tip. He gives me fair warning. "I am not going to lie or sugar coat this. It's gonna hurt. Real bad." Fantastic. The needle goes in and the nurse grasps my hand and tells me to breathe. Then it hits. Like fire in my veins. If there were such a thing as vampires biting, I figure this is what it would feel like. I yell. "Holy *!#! balls!" Pure silence. Chuckles and giggles come from the 2 doctors and a nurse. This night just keeps getting better. So the doctor begins cauterizing the veins and I opt to watch. "What are you doing, you ok?" "I can watch right? I mean, you just stuck me with 3 needles and put liquid fire in me. I am numb. It's ok to watch right? It's kind of fascinating to watch and not feel." At this point, he probably thinks I am nuts. Outright nuts. He finishes his business and gets the bleeding to stop. He writes me a script for tylenol with codeine just in case. He gives me the usual, "Don't fill it unless you really need it" speech. As soon as he leaves the room the nurse says, "honey, you better go get that filled TONIGHT because as soon as this digi-block wears off you are gonna want the codeine." Sure enough. I wanted the codeine. Something to take the throbbing away. So here I am, 2 days later with my finger still wrapped up and pecking at the computer keyboard. Good times.