The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

My kids are all bruised and scraped up. I blame myself or rather my part in their genetics. I am not graceful. Far from it. At any given time, I have UMB's all over. UMB - Unidentified Mommy Bruise. I have no idea how I get them. They just show up. It's like the great mystery of the missing socks. Likely it will never be solved.

As I am writing this blog, I am chicken pecking with only 9 fingers. This Wednesday I was cutting onions for our Boca Burgers. Yes, we eat Boca Burgers and I love them. While chopping, I feel a sharp pang. Hmmm. Yeah, the tip of my pointer finger on my left hand is gone. Fantastic. I toss the onion. I do damage control. Is finger nail still there? Yes. Did I hit an artery? No. Is it bleeding badly? Yes, very badly. I wrap up my gimp finger and wait for Jason to come home from work. He finishes dinner for me and takes a look at my poor pointer. "Yeah, you have got to go in. Tonight." This is the man that will only go to the dr. if he is holding his eyeball. Sinus infection? Rub some dirt on it. Fever? Rub some dirt on it. He's tough. So when he says that I need to go in, I take his advice. I head on over to the after hours care. The nurse takes the wrap off my finger and immediately scrambles out of the room to fetch the doctor. The doctor comes in and asks for a tourniquet to slow the bleeding. The nurse scrambles for anything and only comes up with a rubber band. Ghetto tourniquet, but it will do the job in a pinch. I am patiently sitting there, not freaking out, not even wincing at the pain. Yet. Ok, after much discussion the doctor decides to cauterize the vessels to stop the bleeding. Fun. Cauterize, as in burn? Yes. Oh Good Times. At this point, I am rethinking that I *should* have had that margarita with dinner. He opts for the digi-block which numbs the whole finger rather than just the tip. He gives me fair warning. "I am not going to lie or sugar coat this. It's gonna hurt. Real bad." Fantastic. The needle goes in and the nurse grasps my hand and tells me to breathe. Then it hits. Like fire in my veins. If there were such a thing as vampires biting, I figure this is what it would feel like. I yell. "Holy *!#! balls!" Pure silence. Chuckles and giggles come from the 2 doctors and a nurse. This night just keeps getting better. So the doctor begins cauterizing the veins and I opt to watch. "What are you doing, you ok?" "I can watch right? I mean, you just stuck me with 3 needles and put liquid fire in me. I am numb. It's ok to watch right? It's kind of fascinating to watch and not feel." At this point, he probably thinks I am nuts. Outright nuts. He finishes his business and gets the bleeding to stop. He writes me a script for tylenol with codeine just in case. He gives me the usual, "Don't fill it unless you really need it" speech. As soon as he leaves the room the nurse says, "honey, you better go get that filled TONIGHT because as soon as this digi-block wears off you are gonna want the codeine." Sure enough. I wanted the codeine. Something to take the throbbing away. So here I am, 2 days later with my finger still wrapped up and pecking at the computer keyboard. Good times.

Miss Manners

We have been working on manners lately. Pffft, manners and a 2 year old?? ARE YOU CRAZY? These are the kids that have giggle fits when someone burps or toots. You would think I was raising 2 5-year old boys instead of 2 soon to be 3-year olds. Potty humor is hilarious. Bodily functions are even more hilarious. Good times. We have been working on "Please" and "Thank you" along with the occasional "Excuse me". It's taken some time to break them of the giggle fits when they toot, but we have finally gotten to "excuse me". I find myself endlessly talking about what is proper and what isn't. Who am I kidding? They are 2 - not 12. This leads me into a few situations where they have used proper manners, but the situation fell short on being anything proper at all.

Like the time we were at the book store. Both of the girls were in the stroller. God Bless the Mountain Buggy Urban Double. The bookstore aisles are narrow and a man was blocking our progress. Kate begins with a quiet, "Move guy." Apparently he didn't hear or chose to ignore. Good luck dude. Rule #1 - You don't ignore a 2 year old. Ever. So Jill pipes in, "MOVE GUY." Still nothing. Then Kate hollers, "EXCUSE ME MOVE GUY!" Shudder shudder shudder. He moves. I shudder some more and refuse to make eye contact while mumbling a small apology. Fantastic.

Then later last week we met the Taylor's at Deanna Rose Park for a playdate. Normally, when people are waiting to use the swings, the parent limits their child's swing time. It's common courtesy. "Sorry kiddo, but there are 5 other kids wanting to swing so you can swing for 5 minutes and then it is someone else's turn." Well, apparently this other mom didn't get the memo on swing etiquette. So I am pushing Kate when she turns around and tells the other kid, "Hey, you get off swings. It's Jill's turn. JILL'S TURN. YOU OFF!" I think the other mother got the hint. She quickly suggested the slides to her child.

OK, so today is the last example of manners. We are at the grocery store waiting in line. Kate is holding my hand and Jill is sitting patiently in the cart. Kate walks up to the woman in front of us and pokes her butt. Yeah, my two year old just grabbed your as*. What'cha gonna do about it? I just shake my head and explain to Kate that you can't just touch anyone. Especially on their bum. Luckily the young lady completely understood and we had a good laugh about it.

Have you noticed a theme to these stories? Yeah, they all star Kate. Why? She is the sassiest kid I have ever been around. Oh and she has the attitude and mouth to back it up. I wonder where she gets *THAT* from?

Overland Park Arboretum

Spring is in full swing. YAY! The trees are blooming, the ground is sprouting with flowers, and the grass has finally turned green. This is also why I haven't posted in a while. The kids and I have been trying to spend every waking moment outdoors enjoying the sun and weather. We finally have a rain day - just in time for me to catch up on the blog.

The pollen this year has been abundant to put it mildly. People that have never experienced allergies are suddenly sneezing, wheezing, and snotting. Including my sweet heathens. Kate has especially been affected. She has been sneezing and her voice has become extremely hoarse. Of course, that doesn't keep her from narrating the entire day. And by entire day, I mean she will give you a play by plan announcement of every activity. "Mommy, I am going to find Jill. Mommy, what's that? Mommy, I stomp like this. Mommy I go slide. Mommy, I go swing. Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy." You get the idea. It's charming the first few times - not so much the remaining million times. Luckily the pollen has left Jillian unscathed for the most part. Just a few sneezes here and there, but nothing alarming.

Nope, that's not snow in April. That would be pollen and stuff from a neighbor's cottonwood tree.

We took an early trip to the Arboretum to see the early blooms. Lovely!

The tree in front of our house EXPLODED with flowers last week.